| I have asked this question countless times and I'm hoping that someone will hear me. Can anyone help? I hate the person that I've become if its not one thing its something else and I have especially been getting down on myself because of my weight I have never been this big and I can't deal with it and on top of it I have lost control over my eating and exercise habits. I need to regain my life back though I was unhappy with it, it is a lot better than where I'm at now. If there is anyone out there that can give me tips and guide me to a thinner me I would greatly appreciate it. |
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| So I've been in Philly since June and I am planning on going back to California. I will know for sure on Wednesday if I get into FIDM and then I can go out to LA. I'm hoping, praying and wishing that I get in. Since I want to start my life in LA and as opposed to Orange County where I was living before when I was in Cali. I really have to make sure that I am skinny. And since I've been home I have been working my way further from skinny. Like I cant stop eating and I don't know whats wrong with me. I did get a gym membership to Bally Total Fitness but I have yet to go. So tomorrow after work I'm going to start operation LA transformation. I really want to be in a relationship and know that the type of guys that I'm interested in are not interested in me because of my size. I was at a party at UPenn and went up to a guy ad started to talking to him and he was like "sorry you are just too big," like he said it to my face. And ever since that moment I have been even more insecure about myself to the point that I have yet to hang out with my friends because of fear that they will judge me on how much weight I've gained. I know that they will because I am guilty of doing it with them about another one of our friends that has gained weight and I just don't want to be in the position. I have been watching the Biggest Loser and when i watch the show I get motivated because I'm nowhere near the size of the people on the show so I know that if they can do it, then I can. I just have to stop being lazy. I don't understand what happened to me, maybe its my depression that is making me so unmotivated. But deep down inside I hate this. So I must change. |
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| Is there anyone out there that can help me? I am so disgusting and I hate the way I look, I went from being ana/mia to an overeater and I can't take it anymore, please help me get thin...I will do anything. Also anyone from the Philadelphia area, it would be great to have support from someone I could meet up with face to face.
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| So I came back to Philadelphia in June and weighed 165lbs. Though in my mind that isn't skinny you could tell that I lost weight and I was a lot skinnier than what I am now. It is only about 3 and half months later and I have gained 30 plus pounds. This is probably the most that I have ever weighed in my entire life. I don't really know the exact number but its 190 something. I'm so embarrassed to write it down, but I figure that if I face it then I can somehow figure out a way to fix it. My problem is that I just can't seem to stop eating. And this would be all and good if I was still purging like I was or if I was working out constantly but none of these things I am doing. To top it off I am eating all of the wrong types of foods, sweets, fried foods, beer, chips, hot dogs, bread, pasta...the list goes on and on. I can't fit a lot of my clothes, I hate looking at myself in the mirror and I am constantly surrounding myself with smaller, prettier people. All of these things do not help the situation. My mom is losing weight she's not toned, but she is losing as I am gaining. I feel like a pregnant woman minus the fetus inside, eating non stop and lethargic due to the poor diet and exercise. I'm supposed to be on my university's squash team, but I am seriously too embarrassed to go to practice because of the way that I look. Like I am starting to stop going out with friends because I have been the person who would always point out the drastic weight gain in people and now its happening to me, and I hate it. I want to be thin more than anything in the world and even as I type this I have a bag of chocolate covered pretzels next to me. Its like I forgotten everything that I am. I know that Halloween is around the corner and everyone is going to be in sexy costumes but to be honest I don't think that I want to go out at all. i think that I'm going to be investing in sweats for a while to hide this hideous beast that I have morphed into. My number one priority is to lose this weight and then some. I am obsessed with the girls from the CW shows like 90210 and Vampire Diaries and would kill to have bodies like theirs. My major is fashion and an overweight fashion designer is not very inspiring on so many levels, I can't even be fashionable at this weight. No offense to the plus size girls but one can't be fashionable if they aren't confident, and I would never be confident with a body this size. Its bad enough I already have so many self esteem issues, this added weight has not helped. I know there is no one to blame but myself and there is no one to fix this but myself. I'm watching the show Dietribe on Lifetime and these women are taking 120 days to lose 50 pounds each and I'm going give myself and 120 day challenge where I completely turn my looks around. I'm going to join a gym, I'm going to go to squash practice, I'm going to eat only 500 calories a day, I'm going to workout at home, I'm going to cut out junk and bad carbs. Right now its about getting back into my old clothes and feeling comfortable and being able to show my face to my friends again. Then it will be about wearing a size 2 jeans from Free People. I literally have to take this one day at a time and be as strong as possible and not let anything come in my way.
i will be 21 next year and I want to be able to Miami for my 21st birthday and not have to wait in line at any club that I want to go to. I want guys to look at me first instead of my friends. I want to be able to have first choice of the guys and not have to settle for what left over. Its also been my dream as silly as it sounds to be on the Real World. I know that if I'm the hot black girl I would have a better shot of getting chosen. For the first time in my life I'm trying to change for myself and not because I want the attention of a specific guy or because I want a certain group of people to like me. If that is the end result that would be awesome, but I just want to like myself and I know will only happen if I become the type of person that I like, which just so happens to be a girl who is a size 2 or smaller.
Goals:
Height: 5'7
CW: Somewhere around 190
HW: Same as CW
LW: 115
GW1: 175
GW2: 155
GW3: 130
GW4: 125
GW5:115
UGW:110
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t98/macywaslikee/171/27.jpg |
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